My life is not conventional by any means. Of course what the hell does "conventional" mean anyway?  "Conventional" and "normal" are just socially constructed identities designed to provide meaning and purpose to individuals, or to place condemnation and judgement toward those subalterns who do not fit the preferred mold.

May I mention I do love my profession?  I really do.  No joke.

Anyway, I know that there is quite a bit of ambiguity surrounding the factors of my life.  In the past year I moved to Utah and publicly announced the end of my marriage, went to grad school, and "gasp" started dating another male within the boundaries of the socially acceptable post-relationship mourning time.   To top it all off, this male is younger than I am, and was friends with my family prior to its formal downfall, which makes me an adulterous harlot who broke up her marriage through her own infidelities.

Did I sum up most of the rumors circulating?  If not let me know.  I will address those as well.

So....am I going to give you all the juicy details of my failed marriage?  No, however, I will elucidate a few important aspects of that train-wreck in order to clear up some of the major misconceptions. 

Did I have an affair?  No, I did not have an affair, nor did my ex-husband ever think or accuse me of having an affair at anytime during our marriage.

Did my ex-husband have an affair?  No, he did not have an affair nor did I think or accuse him of having an affair.

Did I do everything I could to save my marriage?  Yes, I started 6 years ago.  I started by working on all the horrible habits that I had about myself.  Money issues (no, I didn't spend excessively, I saved excessively, puts much strain on a marriage), depression issues, panic attacks, abandonment issues, etc.  Couple's therapy, Bishop counseling, individual therapy, prayer, scripture study......the whole nine yards.

It didn't work out. 

Yes, I am silencing a lot of information there.  To be honest, it really is no body's business. But because I am sick of the judgmental looks and icy tones I will provide a bit more information.

In the ten years I was married I learned a lot about life.

I learned about judgment.  People, don't judge, ok?  You have no idea what anyone is going through, and in all honesty the things you conjure up are probably not even a fraction of what is actually happening.  If you still feel the need to judge mine or anyone else's situation then feel free to prove to the world that you are perfect, then cast the first stone.

I learned not to judge the hard way.  I was always quite judgmental of others.  Then I dealt with my own life, helped other people, and learned a lot about rough situations by getting to know other people and realized one eternal and important truth.

Life is hard.

There are no exceptions to this rule.  We are all here to be tested and tried.  I loved the bumper sticker that President Uchtdorf quoted in his April 2012 General Conference talk "The Merciful Will Obtain Mercy."  In his talk he said that he noticed a bumper sticker on a car that said, "Don't judge me because I sin differently than you."  NICE!!


 The bottom line?  Did I contribute to the downfall of my marriage?  Yes, but not in the way that people accused me of. I had my own issues and he has his own issues.  The situation was getting worse and he wanted a divorce and so that is what we did.

Yes, I am dating and have been for the past several months.  When I moved to Utah a very good friend of my family (i.e. Shane and I's) moved to be closer to his family that lives here.  I tried to find childcare in my ward and no one was able to help.  I live in a ward full of divorcees and most of them work.  So because he was here and had a lower paying job he and I worked out an agreement.  He babysat for me while I went to class, I fed him, provided him internet and laundry services.  A nice swap.

After a few months we grew closer.  Friendship first, then dating.  A nice combo if I do say so myself.  Took the guessing out of the dating life, and also helped me with my trust issues.  I started my "relationship" with him as good friends and ended up seeing more in him than I ever thought I would originally, which is the main reason why he was such a good friend of my family prior to the divorce.  

He helped my family out in Colorado.  Both Shane and I as we both went through our personal issues.  No, I did not date him in Colorado, or is he or any other man the reason my marriage broke-up.  If you need additional confirmation of this you may ask Shane who will provide you with the reassurance that you need.  My marriage ended for a list of unrelated issues.


I have seen the disapproving looks and heard the condemning tones of those who feel that I moved on too quickly after getting divorced, and of the person who I moved on with.  I must say that I did not move on too quickly, for me the divorce was the final break.  For months prior to the divorce I went through all the emotional trauma that most people go through the first year of their divorce.  I let go before I legally let go.  I had to in order to survive.

  Oh, and I also forgave him before the divorce was finalized.  An important part of moving on.  If you hold a grudge try forgiving.  Your life will be wonderful!  I promise!

 As for the person one chooses to date, well ask anyone who gets divorced, especially in the church.  You handpick a person and decide if they are worthy, make the right spiritual choices, i.e. temple marriage and such.  Then it falls apart.  You choose someone near your own age, same interests, etc., and then it crumbles.  Not something you planned on.  Something that happened in spite of all of your careful arrangements.

I learned another thing about marriage and relationships.  Be honest and don't sweat the small stuff.  Dress, age, hair color, demographics.  Dude, all that really matters if you both get along, respect each other, and are both progressing at the same time.  Who cares about the other logistics?  Society does people.  Get over it.

Well, of course there are exceptions to that rule.  I am not encouraging anyone to go and date some 11 year old girl or guy.  Be reasonable people.

So on that note it is time to close.  Now I will move on to posts about my crazy life with two little loquacious girls and one very funny (and attractive if I may add) guy.